Pinoy text jokes version 3.0 is a new collection of forwarded text messages from friends and realatives. Have fun!!!!
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Hindi lahat ng party ay masaya———-3RD PARTY
Hindi lahat ng 13 ay malas————–13TH MONTH PAY
Hindi lahat ng negative nakakalungkot—PREGNANCY TEST (whew)
Hindi lahat ng positive ikina-sasaya—-HIV POSITIVE

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The girl texted her boyfriend, “Mahal, punta ka sa bahay, walang
tao…”
Nagmamadali umalis ang boyfriend!
Pagdating sa bahay ng girlfriend.. .
Katok sya ng katok!
Walang ngang tao! hehehe

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Panibagong sagot sa tanong na: “‘musta lovelife?”
“Eto self supporting.”

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Anak: Tay , totoo po bang may multo?
Tatay: Anak walang multo! Bakit mo naitanong?
Anak: Sabi kasi ni yaya merong multo!
Tatay: Anak…Tang’ina naman, wala tayong yaya!

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Ate: Inday, chinese pasko ah, sino sino ba ikaw bati?
Inday: Ay ate benate ku napu c kuya; nabate ku na din pu driver natin.
Si sir, babatehen ku uli mamayang gabe.

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Inday: Ate, kailangan daw ipa-EXTRAY ulo ni junior?
Mother: Gaga anong EXTRAY?
Inday: Ano pu ba talaga ati?
Mother: CT SKULL!! Bobo!

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Bahay ng mag-asawa pinasok ng killer….
Killer: Bago ko patayin lahat ng biktima ko ay kinikilala ko muna.
Ikaw misis, ano pangalan mo?
Mrs: Inday po.
Killer: Napakagandang pangalan, kapangalan mo nanay ko.
Hindi na kita papatayin. Ikaw Mr, ano pangalan mo?
Mr: Ah Pedro po, pero my friends call me Inday.

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Buyer: Magkano kambing?
Aeta : Isang libo.
Buyer: Ha? mahal naman! 800 nalang.
Aeta : Di pwede, sabi ASAWA ko wag benta pag di libo.
Buyer: Ganon?! Kalahati libo?
Aeta : Yan! Pwede na.

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Chinese feng shui: If MIRROR at the stairs, may swerte at grasya akyat.

If MIRROR at the door, may swerte at grasya pasok.
If MIRROR at the ceiling, ikaw swerte, nasa loob ka ng MOTEL!

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Teacher: Juan, give me colors that start with letter M, except maroon!
Juan: Hhmmm…
Maitim!
Mapute!
Maputla!
Madilaw!
Mukhang berde!
Mejo asul!
Mamink-mink!

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3 Palatandaan na tumatanda ka na:
1) Tuhod na lang ang Tumitigas..
2) Buhok na lang ang Tumatayo.
3) Mukha na lang ang Nagagalit.

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Mag-ama nakasakay sa barko habang bumabagyo…
Anak : Tay ! Nag-aalala po ako. Parang lulubog ang barko.
Tatay: Tanga! Ba’t ka mag-aalala eh di naman atin ito!

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Isang binata naputulan ng parehong braso, pagdating sa ospital:
Binata: Doc gamutin nyo po ako, naputol parehong braso ko.
Doc : Mga anong oras ka ba naputulan?
Binata: Mga 10 oras na po.
Doc : 10?! Eh bakit ngayon ka lang pumunta dito?
Binata: HALLER! Mahirap kayang pumara ng jeep!!

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Nanay: Papauwi ka na ba? Asan ka na?
Anak : Andito po ako sa ospital…
Nanay (umiiyak): Ha? Ano nangyari sayo?!
Anak : Nay, nurse po ako, duty ako ngayon!

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A large signboard says: “ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY.”
Nakita ng lasenggo… “So what?! Sino ba nagmamadali? “?

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Misis: Inday, napansin mo ba ang barong ni sir mo lagi na lang may
lipstick?
Maid: Opo nga ma’am! Mukhang niloloko na tayo ni sir ah?!?!

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Jr : Nay, nagloko ba si lolo noong buhay pa sya?
Mom: Pag namatay ako, tatangungin ko sya sa langit.
Jr : Eh kung nasa hell si lolo?
Mom: Tatay mo ang magtatanong!

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Economics Professor: “Now tell me what is the similarity between your
bank account and a bra?
Student: “Well, the more in it, the better interest you get.”

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Man to Doctor: Is there a way for long life?
Doc: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Doc: No, but the thoughts of long life will never come to your mind
again.

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Wife mad at drunk husband: From now on, lips that touch liquor will
never touch mine…
(Later she said): What are you thinking?
Husband: Trying to decide between 12year old scotch and 50year old
lips.

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Son to dying father: Itay, ano po ang gusto nyo, magpalibing ba o
magpa-cremate?
Ama:Ikaw na ang bahala, anak. I-surprise mo na lang ako.

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Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yun sweets.
Jinky: Nasan honey? Ang lambing mo naman. May pasalubong ka pa sa akin!
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. Ang dilim kaya!

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Bisaya: Hulaan mo alaga kong hayop nagsimula sa liter i.
DJ : Isda?
Bisaya: Dili man!
Dj : Ibon?
Bisaya: Lapit na.
DJ : Ano nga, siret na!
Bisaya: IGOL.

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Erap disembarked from a PAL flight and was met by reporter who asked,
“Sir, what do you think of the economy?”
Erap: I don’t know. I was seated in the first class.

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Misis : Darling, akala ko ba, mahal mo ako…
Mister: Oo nga! Handa akong mamatay alang-alang sayo.
Misis : Sus! Puro ka naman satsat, hindi mo naman ginagawa!

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Sa isang restaurant:
Waitress: Sir, akala ko ba, nagda-diet kayo?
Customer: Oo nga. Gusto kong pumayat. Kaya nga rito ako kumakain sa
restaurant ninyo, kasi hindi masarap ang pagkain kaya konti lang ang
nakakain ko!

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Tony: Ikaw na naman? Tatlong beses mo na akong na-holdup ngayong taon,
ah!
Holdaper: Ganu’n talaga brod. Inaalagaan ang good customer!

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A man robs a bank and takes hostages. He asks the first hostage,
“Did you see me rob the bank?”. First hostage says,
“Yes”, and is immediately shot.
The robber asks second hostage, “Did you see me rob the bank?”
Second Hostage, “No, but my wife did.”

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Hope you enjoyed reading these cool pinoy ice breakers!

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